Top ten reasons why I am actually COOLER than you already think that I am.

10. The previous sentence.

9. I know the words to every Van Morrison song.

8. I can say ambulance backwards.

7. I own a Pit Bull.

6. My favorite food is mashed potatoes.

5. In the fifth grade I was in the quiz bowl.

4. In the fourth grade I was in T.A.G. (that's talented and gifted for those of you who don't know nuthin)

3. I know the complex chemical reactions that happen in your fish tank.

2. I used to make gatling guns for civil war reenactment.

1. I can quote every single word of "Dumb and Dumber" without missing a single beat.

2. Lisa Loeb is my wife.

3. I lost two years of my life to weed and cheap vodka. (or was it cheap weed and vodka?)

4. I named my first dog "Ripple" after chocolate fudge ripple ice cream.

5. I always win at scrabble.

6. My favorite drink: Grand Mariner.

7. When I grow up I want to be a retired old man.

8. I am writing a novel.

9. I have exercise induced asthma.

10. I am extremely allergic to formaldehyde.