I can't take it anymore
not sleeping and drinking too much
it's really starting to wear me down

now i have car payments
and insurance again
i have rent and Internet
i must feed myself

i think it's about time for a new year's resolution
but i cant think of one
....
what kind of resolution can you make
that brings you extra money
i already quit smoking
i wont quit drinking
....and "drink cheaper beer" is hardly a resolution
....."drink cheap vodka instead of beer" isn't either
i really shouldn't have this problem
when it comes down to this
i should probably just stop
when it comes down to drinking, or personal finances
there should be a clear winner
and if not.....'
i should be at a meeting
although i am just twenty one
plenty of time to quit
plenty of time to make excuses
plenty of time to ruin my life

As it becomes increasingly harder, and harder to write anything
i need a retreat
i need a new job
i need a new life
as i cant find anything inspiring
i need something new
late nights
and fast food
just isn't cutting it anymore

i would like to go to another country
hike across Africa
fight termites
discover new species
start wars
end battles
invent something

it's pathetic.. listening to myself ramble
i am about sick of it too

so... here we are
stuck on a crumbling bridge
spanning inspiration and annoyance
bitching and creation

somebody send me a postcard
I don't care about anybody in my life
i would take a bullet for principle
i would open a door for cause
but for it to happen out of respect
is just lost hope
i am nice because i believe that we all should be nice
i appreciate because we all should appreciate
i laugh because it is helpful
i joke because it lightens spirits

am i hiding my emotions??... no
i just don't really have any
at least not right now
its called healing
and it happens.....