I'm lost and you are a magnifying glass
when all i need is a telescope

my padded cell
has done nothing but hold me back
and Freud told them to paint it pink
to calm my nerves

when talking to myself
has given way
to talking to you
when all my words collide
and paint a picture,
a beautiful portrait
of you and I
holding our hands
pulling sleeves and leading each other down
where we make awkward eyes and words
yet whisper peacefully all night.

-Or-

Healing yourself is never all that easy
although these days
when Christ comes
back to visit
for the third time
and my placebo heart
heats up

as we all drift off to the heavens
here comes the rapture
here comes our rupture
sleeping soundly

we all explode to our feet
and wipe away last nights
dreams from our eyes

I am sure
as we all raise our arms
fold our hands and pray

to god the highest
to the third coming

he's sitting on golden throne
looking down
adding up the integers
and equating the outcome
an algebraic god
a superstitious Christ
and my placebo heart.

Perfection at it's finest
practiced out and wasted
all played up
and over done
she twists through my life
dancing the night away
keeping me awake
and in my dreams
i see her
and wake up in a cold sweat
only to hear her complain
i was turning and twisting, snoring loud

(what a good love poem to include snoring.
This may just be the first of it's kind)

So we lay there
and here
stuck in each other's arms
and ears

every word she says
is planed out and thought about
but still she blushes
and bats her lashes

every thought of mine
random.
....
.
.....
..
......
and i speak in tongues
in tandem
but still
my heart skips a beat and sinks an inch

so here
and there
is your love poem
because i just can't get
you out of my head
I had to write you down.

in the deep deep south
where the rivers run like veins
emptying the mountains cloudy mist
or they bleed a deep deep red
like the clay
like the ground beneath your shoes
like your clueless morning blues

sipping your tea
with a bit of lemon peel
drinking your lemonade
without a cube of ice

under the sweet pale Georgia moon
she's dancing
she swings and twists
and looks into my eyes

where have you been my whole life
i think as she walks closer
what shall i say
and my feet stick to the pavement
knees weak
it's everything i can do to hold
my insides in

and not a word is said
as she takes my hand
and leads me to the street

where my sweet sweet southern belle
parades down yellow lines
pulls me along and to her bedroom
where the night takes its wings
and sweeps away the dust

I am home
and running
just to catch up
and wake you up
dreaming and sleeping
vividly and soundly
making noise
and i am home.

the water is dripping
and i am far away
i can't help but sleep away to the midnight
and catch a ride

So, this valentines day turned out to be
everything i have come to expect from
a modern valentines nightmare
including
bad press
bad advertising
bad flowers
bad ideas
bad chocolates
bad gifts
and bad choices

It came to be nothing but a watermark on my fabric of life
if that........

But, there was a day after.
and it was great.

It's morning and I wake up
wide eyes and generous
your kiss stayed with me all night
and the snow feel while we slept

it's morning and I
pull up the blinds
looking out on last night's fading landscape
succumbing to the beat
to the beating of a thousand snowflakes

the road to your house disappears
as you flick your headlights

the coffee pot whistles
and you wake up

it's morning

Where is this headed?
Egg white
and your vision fades away to black
or blue
and every thought of you from your eighteenth year
and you step out your front door
twisting your hair
with a random heart beating
with our awkward love life
strung up and tied down

and I wait....
and I wait for you
in a sea of green and glass
yellow lemon grass
dripping with care and consciousness

so you lay beside me
and I can feel the straight fire that is your soul
ripping and tearing my skin
pulling all my outside in

it's sad with no motivation
I am glued to the television set
waiting for your phone call
and all my poems and words ten to fade in your direction
tend to rest in your palms
like you grab my arm
while we walk
and I already miss you
I already miss losing you

I can barely stand up straight
let alone fall in love again
and even looking in another direction
wrenches at my heart
because I know
I fell too deep too early
and I know I should just let you go and never call again
or call you out

as my conversation
slowly
leans to any direction of yours
and all my friends and family hide their ears
and put away their words to hear me speak
and all I ever do
is tell them of true love
and how I met you.

This is backwards and inside out
and you are spinning
your dizzy dizzy heat
beats my dream sequence
and takes away my breath

pull back your hair
and kiss me
grab my chest and take me down
beautiful blond
beautiful
and i hope i don't see you
anymore
when the sky turns red
and you wake up in a cold sweat

it's not your skin
it's not just my fingers running through your hair
beautiful blond
i never spoke enough to let you know how i really feel
and what i have done to make you see
but photographs and sentences
i am sure, just don't cut it
at least not with you
when ignorance is bliss
and on the inside under fluorescent lights

so don't ignore me, starring though your window
tapping, throwing rocks
i am the branches on the outside, scratching my way in
i am the leaves on the tree casting shadows about your bedroom
i am your lover
stuck in place and dreaming
so, beautiful blond, let me in.

Oh
and all the leaves have fallen from the trees
all the gloves have fallen from our fingers
it's a trench coat midnight
and we're soaked to the core
walking downtown and pacing
to the corner store

Oh
the snow is coming down
and your wicked chest is freezing solid
while i try to warm you up with sweat
and a little touch of freedom

Oh
the sun rises steadily
and the moon is catching up
one of these days
i am sure they will collide
and we will all run inside
cover our heads in hats and masks
dancing around the firelight naked
as the earth takes it's last deep breath

Oh
and what a site it is
when all the fires rise to meet the heavens
and all the volcanoes break through the railroad tracks
the ocean swells and cracks
then seeps to hell and back
carrying with it
the meaning of life and all the fishes

Oh
as the earth fades
me and you
waiting, holding hands
watching the leaves
fall from trees in spite
together until trench coat midnight

i spent the night with a beautiful girl
and i couldn't make the time to write
so i woke up and ready
with everything perfectly thought out and place together in dreams
with line breaks
and handshakes rhyming
rhythm

the velvet teen spread its lips
and kissed my ears
still sore from hearing her laugh.

its bad breath and bad news
when I'm waking with the blues
of falling asleep
next to somebody i didn't know
love at first sight says so

she kept up her guard
and i turned on the stereo
i tuned in the radio
and it became her super hero
and it came to be
her perfect lips caressed me
and it came to be
i came inside
and she told me to leave

and last night i didn't really dream
i lied
like always
but i did imagine you actually holding my hand
and i loved it

This is it, where it all ends
when i write you a poem that you will surely never read
and i will imagine
pasting it to your car windows
and i will imagine handing it to you with a wink

this is me lost and in pieces
this is me losing my mind
and coming in to see you
on a stitch of innocence
With every thread of my heart torn out
and useless

i am pathetic
and i am no good at writing poems..
somebody delete my GOD Damn BLOG!

I hope to pass out drunk and never wake up
i hope to breathe in while i sleep
and breathe in all your dust
and when morning comes
i die in your footsteps
walking out the door
and headed for work
a glass of water to wash it all down
these vitamins and a taste of your flesh

i thought it was time to end your prayer
and you have only just begun
your eyes
and his
an inevitable kiss
your height and a tan as soon as it ends
i'll sleep away the night
and wish myself to death
with a glass full of whiskey and one on the way
to sleep
without you
and to live all my sorrows down in my dreams
i wait for the time to pass and
my lover, carry me home.

I went out
and I am sick of this shit
I want to believe in love at first site
and if I do not ever find it then thats alright
at least I tried

I don't mind wasting my whole life looking in every woman's eyes
searching for someone like me
I don't mind walking in and out of your life
without even a handshake

If love at first site does not exist
then i will tell you in forty years
then i will tell you on my death bed
as i look into your eyes
and reveal what you meant to me.

Let me in
and take me off the shelf
I can barely breathe in here
and it's hard to be myself .

I caught you, Butterfly
in a bed of purple lustrife
invading like Spanish moss and kudzu
and kiss is all it lead to..
and love is where we're headed
so drag your wings and break your skin
tongue flower
and fly
you're just a shell
headed to hell
frozen in time
clinging on branches
as i stop my steps
and kiss
saturation in green and blue
clouds float above you
I'm at a loss for words
when you walk inside
dead and walking
watching, picking locks
and solving clues

stuck in heaven on a hill
frozen in time
and ships set out to find you
shake your hand

Lightning strikes
and you shake back
quiver
and deliver
stop seeing things so clearly
your loving heart
created its own reality
flying it's own dove
crystal white
against the foreign night.

The stars weren't really spinning
and your words aren't really winning
its just your tone of voice
I'm sorry
I only wanted a single kiss
and hug
until you saw the ring
I know everything
you can't be happy
and i know your favourite colour
I know your favourite picture was chosen
by the ocean
with a crate on the rocks, sun shining through slats
and waves take you
away from him
and hugs and kisses

we all don't live like that

and the television
takes your life
takes off your shoes
and cooks you dinner

adjust the shutter speed
cause time is all we need
and all we ever have
so wrap me up in ribbons
wrap me up in neckties
and kiss me
as the radio spits fire
at the kitchen washing dishes.

you shape shifting sapphire girl
tie me down
and down and out
drift away like waves of fire and wine
dripping out your lips like
gasoline falling to the floor as you dance
tossing teeth and fire from lip gloss words
circling your feet
a smoke ring
so marry me

and carry me down down down
you played violin
drift away your kiss of death
diamond baby, gold and crazy
take down your glasses
and pick up the lenses
dancing in , trancing out
sticks and stones you leave me alone

and nylon isn't much
nothing but a crush
something like teeth
scraping, draping tongues
as i carry on
and carry you off

golden heaven's gates
I'm lost and scratching
stuck detaching
believing and breathing in everything you say
and my wildfire ways catch and herd your words
like spitting gasoline
and flame

silver princess pain
dancing dancing
dance the night away

lately i have not much to say

when you torture me

tie me down

and cover my lips

i want you

and i want you so bad

and don't, please don't be the one to end this all

thats my job

if you didn't know

you came inside and i showed you around

you didn't have much going

and you came back

with a smile on your face

right before i asked you out

the smile was

you were engaged

only not to me

the perfect amount of innocence

but not to me, just as i figured

what it is i wanted

just as i figured what i needed

so he stepped up and knelt down

i respect

and i do respect your decision

but i would rather see you happily in knots with me

than tossed around like a sorry teardrop with anybody else.

Now, i know i don't have any readers.
I do plan on having some, but at the moment i don't. Nobody really likes self loathing Allister.....
Anyway, started a blog, closer to my real life. I did not like that blog (plus, it was time consuming), so I just pasted most of the posts over here. Enjoy.

cars are backed up to lake Michigan
take cover
stop and breathe
take a hit of home made Ecstasy
and sleep away life

there is enough cocaine
to drown a crying child
there is enough cocaine
to bleed a sour infant

and they're dancing
on the floor dancing
without motion or cause.

When does this end
when do you set down the Chiclets and cigarettes
and pick up a pen again?

I'll sit back and wonder
wish i could be you
there with you
and dance without question of trance
now breathe; and sink

Wake me up
wake me up from this machine gun headache
wake me up from this undertow and overflow
we're headed to mars
out past our moon
NASA is changing colours on the pictures
hiding your tomb

Hubble is lost in space
with the last of the rinkidink astronauts
and we live a nightmare
of Krispy Kreme and white castle
as the world falls apart
and America it's shoes
trudging towards destruction

please, somebody please
shake me, I'm waking
make me up
from this incandescent room
as the ceiling tiles collapse
a checkerboard is formed around my feet

skip with me
and king me
I am your king
you just didn't know

drill a hole and expand
farm the fish and land
this spaceship is crumbling
somebody shake me
I 'm waking
wake me up

we wake up
smelling like cigarettes and ash
a man in the backyard
hooking up the internet
here's your two-day love
and here's your one night stand

when she answers the door
in her underwear
and lets in the cable man

it seems like such a time when we drink away the night
no need for conversation
we both want the same thing anyway

do i get no rise
out of meeting you?
why not?

do i love myself too much?
why do you not interest me?

Here we are
sprawled out like children
like infants
gambling with our lives
and fate
like putty in our palms

Here we are
growing up
and never learning a thing
tasting the dirt and soaking up the sun

baby i never was one for conversation
and never was i one for one night stands
tonight i will hold my head high
and tomorrow
tomorrow i will wake up
ashamed and depressed like always
like ever
and you were never there
you never changed a thing

It started snowing
and i was drinking a beer
while driving
Oasis came on the radio
and at that moment
i felt alive
more alive than ever
more alive than everybody else
in their cars
with jobs and circumstances
and lives
i think that i felt true happiness

is that okay?

It almost felt awkward
like your first orgasm
or your first playboy
i felt happiness, and it was taboo
strictly taboo


Was i not supposed to feel that?

I am bleeding
and all my thoughts of you run down my palm and to the drain
opening my eyes

lately I've been floating
flying from treetops
down to earth
to kiss you goodbye

and we twist like little kids
we miss and flip our lids
toss back all your hair
and throw back all your sorrows

---------

Imagine perfection
as it were
taking off our shoes
and leaves
and biting apples
you, long distance lover
long distance love of mine
i cast out my heart
hook, line and sinker
waiting
hoping
glare goes the sun
and forever goes the god
as i happily day to day
drift on and on away

--------

everything will turn
the skies will fall
as do the petals
i could never make you happy
i know, i tried
so for now we sleep
like infants with uninterrupted dreams
of nothing and fortune
and wait to fall in love
as we toss off our leaves
and reach to the tree

-----------

In our three bedroom apartment
with a two story window
she's looking out the top
and tossing out all her thoughts
and cigarettes.....
with my god watching over her
and kissing all her sins away
for the night

so she can go out dancing
in her high heeled shoes
and a new black dress
....that i should have bought

and she glows
under the neon city lights
she's almost reflecting
fluorescing
and twisting
blue and red
in a new black dress
...That i should have bought

I can't take it anymore
not sleeping and drinking too much
it's really starting to wear me down

now i have car payments
and insurance again
i have rent and Internet
i must feed myself

i think it's about time for a new year's resolution
but i cant think of one
....
what kind of resolution can you make
that brings you extra money
i already quit smoking
i wont quit drinking
....and "drink cheaper beer" is hardly a resolution
....."drink cheap vodka instead of beer" isn't either
i really shouldn't have this problem
when it comes down to this
i should probably just stop
when it comes down to drinking, or personal finances
there should be a clear winner
and if not.....'
i should be at a meeting
although i am just twenty one
plenty of time to quit
plenty of time to make excuses
plenty of time to ruin my life

As it becomes increasingly harder, and harder to write anything
i need a retreat
i need a new job
i need a new life
as i cant find anything inspiring
i need something new
late nights
and fast food
just isn't cutting it anymore

i would like to go to another country
hike across Africa
fight termites
discover new species
start wars
end battles
invent something

it's pathetic.. listening to myself ramble
i am about sick of it too

so... here we are
stuck on a crumbling bridge
spanning inspiration and annoyance
bitching and creation

somebody send me a postcard
I don't care about anybody in my life
i would take a bullet for principle
i would open a door for cause
but for it to happen out of respect
is just lost hope
i am nice because i believe that we all should be nice
i appreciate because we all should appreciate
i laugh because it is helpful
i joke because it lightens spirits

am i hiding my emotions??... no
i just don't really have any
at least not right now
its called healing
and it happens.....

I fell asleep
and while the cat creeps
the dog drinks
and the sun dips and sinks
moonlight shadowed up my trees
and the virgin falls to her knees
begging for release

sifting through your ashes
and a melted pair of glasses
tracing up your wrists
and tugging for a kiss

the baby cries
and cries out loud
but you're standing, laughing looking proud
stepping out your door
and blowing up your chest
with the goodnight air
breathing in aspirations
and exhaling any care
and relief
and belief

my uncertain, worried mind
i pray and search to find
isn't half as worth it to you,you see
i am stuck
shoveling sandbags and rain
working through the pain
so i woke up
and rolled over my eyes
to see the moon did rise
the sun did set
and the stars haven't yet

you see....
its a forced reaction
to every single thing you say
when you puff up your chest
and talk away the time

Here i am

waiting

just getting over

an old English proverb

translated back to French

and i wait

here you go

holding your heart in your hand

standing out in crowds

as the world crowds around you

you wink and waive

and i know i could never pull you down

i need something

i need to start

and standing here, watching you

is no way to begin

screaming

as the restless nights fill up my future

i need to change direction

i need to stop looking

here i am grabbing my chest

holding lungs and breathing hard

as your lemon yellow

kiss passes me by

and i wait.